Human nature will never let us down


On behalf of all columnists everywhere I’d like to issue a big “thank you” to human nature.

You’re always there to come to our aid when we are stuck for a column idea.

All we have to do is look at the news for the past few days and, bang, there we are with plenty of ideas.

You never let us down: • An Australian man was recently fired because it was discovered he had been using a potato chip bag to avoid going to work for almost two years.

Turns out he was required to keep a global positioning device on his person so his company could keep track of him.

But he discovered it could not be read if he stuffed the device in a metal-foil lined potato chip sack. He would place it there most mornings and skip his duties.

Investigators said he played golf well over 100 of those days without going on to work.

As to why it took them two years to discover he had been missing work, well, human nature.

• The guy who replaced the late, great Mel Blanc as the voice of all those Looney Tunes characters used to amuse himself by going through fast-food drivethroughs and ordering in Porky Pig’s voice.

As in, at a Krispy Kreme: “I want a d-d-d-dozen, d-dd doughnuts.”

• ESPN online just did an extensive—and I mean extensive—story on whether or not fist-bump congratulations are appropriate for baseball players who are given intentional walks under the new “just wave ‘em over” rule.

• A news report from Port St. Lucie, Florida, reminded me of a great story about a country music great.

A Florida man was arrested for driving his riding lawn mower down US 1, carrying a case of beer, which he had just purchased.

In Tammy Wynette’s autobiography she related a story about ex-husband George Jones and one of his wives’ attempts to curtail his drinking.

The woman hid the keys to all the vehicles at their very rural mansion overnight, but missed George the next day anyway. She retrieved a key and went out to look for him.

She stopped when she found their riding lawnmower parked at the first tavern along the road leading from their house.

• Talk about your nine lives.

A Virginia woman heard a thump shortly after she left her home in suburban Gloucester County to drive to her job at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, 50 miles away, last week.

When she arrived, and walked around the front, her car hissed at her.

She had hit a 40-pound bobcat which was stuck in the grill. It had survived the crash. And the trip.

In fact, the big cat is recovering nicely. It was taken by Richmond Animal Care, who say it’s already almost well enough to be released back into the wild.

If you want to see it, just check back with me in a couple of weeks. It will probably end up at my house.

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2017-12-07 digital edition

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