Are you illiterate? Write for free help

(Repeating a column from publisher emeritus Bill Cooke from June 2017.) The following prose from classified ads have, it sez here, appeared in newspapers hither and yon. Of course, this collection does not include any such bungling by The Reporter staff. We’re perfect.

Funny saying from old and young

FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE Someone sent me these quo te s whi ch a r e appropriate since I’ll be turning 60 in September. How did that happen? “It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” — Andy Rooney.

Dog days

Publisher remembers when Texas wasn’t quite so hot When I was in my teens, I could stay on a tennis court all afternoon during the Texas summers. I grew up a little over two hours from here, so I’d imagine our summer temperatures were similar.

Looking back...

100 YEARS AGO… The commissioners court—in response to petition from citizens of Thorndale— passed an order calling for an election to be held on July 21 on the matter of incorporation.

Sober 4th

Keeping sober during Fourth of July is not impossible The Fourth of July is America’s top beer-drinking holiday. It is estimated that over one billion dollars is spent on beer, according to Fourth of July facts by WalletHub. It is an incredibly festive time across the state.

Notes from past week in Milam County

Firstly, this week in Commissioners Court we recognized Susanne Gelner for her 25 years of service to Milam County. Susanne works in the Milam County Clerk’s office and is the Milam County Court Clerk who manages the docket for my courtroom.

Lots of things are going on in our town

FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE Ihave some tea! I have some tea! I have some tea! If you have been downtown lately, no doubt you have seen the old Oak Leaf Bakery building covered in scaffolding and wondered what’s going on.

Looking back...

10-20-40-100 YEARS AGO 100 YEARS AGO… The amendment to the Constitution to be voted on June 28 by the people of Texas was being endorsed by the press, businessmen, merchants and organizations throughout the state.

‘Please arrange your deaths accordingly’

(A column from publisher emeritus Bill Cooke from June 25, 2015) Neighbor Grover sez if you divide the radius of a pumpkin by its diameter, you get pumpkin Pi. My thanks to Bob and Betty Harper of our town for providing me another gem for your collection of religious humor.

Ugly Americans giving us a bad name

Some Americans give the rest of us a bad name. “The Ugly American” has become a name for us when we travel overseas. Here are some of the reasons we are considered ugly. And dumb.